All Posts, poetry, Uncategorized

The seventh day of Spring.

I called into work for a minor sickness which caused guilt to be had.

My depression brought nostalgia of the worst kind. The past love kind.

My uterine lining decided it was time to be shed.

My tear ducts took it upon themselves to sync with my mind.

I have so much to do.

I cannot think.

I cannot think.

I cannot think.

I am thinking too much.

I am thinking too much.

I am thinking-

what if I quit

what if I-

It became too much, like everything else does.

How brushing my teeth is the same as me climbing the Eiffel Tower.

Maybe if I were climbing the Eiffel Tower-

Reality.

Reality.

Reality.

I laid in my favorite spot until I became paralyzed.

I was paralyzed but my mind was trying out for the cheer squad.

And by that I mean, I wish I were as happy as the cheer squad.

And by that I mean, I have always hated the cheer squad.

I did not want to be there but where else would I go?

I wanted to go somewhere fun but my mind was saying no.

What if my mind pressed the escape button-

Oh, dissociation, the second cousin to depression.

I didn’t know I invited his cousin…

Dissociation is doing well today, we talked about the weather and whether…

or not I should delete all my social media, die, quit, cry, scream, eat, explode, or all of the above while my actual mind does its part.

But separately. Obviously.

Depression told dissociation that even though they are cousins that he was fine at this party alone.

But family does not listen and neither do…

my thoughts because they like to be as independent as I portray myself to be.

My party, my meltdown, my crisis, was winding down.

Or was it.

Or was it.

Or was it.

The spring air is wild with pollen and my nose is fine but my mind is not.

I’ve never heard of a pollen-induced mental breakdown.

But there is a first for everything.

And for the first time, let’s not blame this all on the weather but rather the whethers.

 

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All Posts, poetry, Uncategorized

New Hire Orientation.

I have been anticipating you since before the day my heart was tossed away by someone who didn’t respect it.

I knew challenges would slap my countenance after the floodgate was finally opened.

But the bide of your arrival was misleading to my anxiety.

Quite like the serene retraction of the tide before a tsunami ravages anything in its route.

I was expecting a wave.

Instead, a torrent engulfed my sanity.

You know my limits yet flick them off your desk like the eraser shavings from that time you had to correct the misspelling of my last name.

I guess you do not know me as well as you tend to tout.

I suppose you do not care as much as you seem to let out.

I have other responsibilities, you know, like trying to keep my shit together.

You excessively orate how I should speak up when I feel distressed.

However, your spiel leaves the impression my spot will be occupied by another unsuspecting student if I show any weakness.

I sincerely yearn for this opportunity but not in exchange for my welfare.

I work diligently to avoid conflicts of interest within myself but here you are, causing my muscles to tense as if a lion entered my residence.

I am bargaining if this is all worth it in the end.

There is no sure way to know.

I just beg you, if you’re going to do it anyways, now’s the time to let me go.

 

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