For the first time in my life,
I am not single today.
For the millionth time in my life,
it sure feels like I am.
Is it truly so hard to find a matching schema?
Does nobody care to reciprocate?
I tell myself: “no one will ever treat you special”.
I ask “why?”
I tell myself: “because you aren’t special enough”.
The ones who reciprocate are crazy
and the ones who don’t
are the loveliest.
Is it so hard to find a matching schema?
Does nobody care to reciprocate?
I think about them almost every minute of the day.
Do they even think about me in that way?
I want to be wanted.
I want to feel wanted.
I want to not have tear marks on my face
on this day.
I think to myself: “there has to be someone out there”.
Then, I think to myself: “except, you’re not special enough”.
I think to myself: “you deserve more”.
Then, I think: “you’re being selfish”.
Because having one thing,
yearning for more,
then scolding
yourself
for
wanting
more
is an inescapable cycle.
So, on this fourteenth of February,
I will be grateful for
finally
not being alone
and then
accepting
the fact
that
I feel
exceptionally
alone.